This blog is about achieving success as a mom. I understand the desire to grow and be the best mother you can be constantly. However, this drive can sometimes lead to self-harm when we set excessively high standards for ourselves. I’m here to offer beneficial strategies for defining success without negative or toxic associations.

The challenging part of striving for the “Best Mom Award” is that you often won’t know whether you’ve succeeded or failed until your children grow up and provide you with their feedback. In the meantime, here are some simple, helpful ideas to consider.

Redefine Success: You Are Your Own Competition

It’s important to learn from everything you do, but when you set your starting line based on someone else’s, you’re bound to fail. In my opinion, comparing yourself to others is counterproductive because everyone’s journey is unique.

I’m not saying there isn’t a blueprint for being a mom or a successful one, but what success means to you may differ from what it means to someone else. Personally, I hold myself and those around me to high standards, which might drive some people crazy. My definition of success may not align with others’ starting points, and that’s okay.

You need to define what success looks like for you, how you plan to move forward, and when you believe would be the best time to start. Ultimately, you’re not in competition with anyone else; you are only competing with yourself. When you focus too much on others’ growth and achievements, you neglect your own journey. It’s like window shopping—you might stand outside, admiring all the things you desire, but if you never step inside, you’ll remain stuck and delay your gratification.

No two moms are the same, and similarly, no one else is made the same way. Competing with other moms can be exhausting and depleting because you have no idea what support they may have or what challenges they face—whether they have help from a partner or are managing everything on their own.

Remember to stay in your own lane. Set your own goals and habits, and refrain from judging or competing with others. It’s that simple.

Build Small Systems

Start by implementing small systems in your daily routine. For example, if you want to get your kids out of the house more quickly in the mornings, try using 15-minute intervals to manage activities. During each interval, prioritize what’s most important and what can wait. This focus on prioritization will help streamline your mornings.

Small systems are the little things that keep your household running smoothly. They aren’t the big tasks but rather the minor adjustments that make a significant difference, like preparing snacks in advance for when your kids come home or making their lunch the night before. Staying organized with activities is also crucial. 

One strategy I’ve found effective is to spend the 15 minutes before my kids go to bed ensuring they’ve brushed their teeth, put on their pajamas, and had a snack. This approach takes care of essential tasks and prevents them from getting up later in the night, asking for something to eat. As a result, my children stay in bed, and our nights are much more peaceful.

It’s important to set yourself up for success because, ultimately, your past self is your best advocate. So, consider what you can do right now to benefit your future self. 

Additionally, small systems can involve others, such as your partner, family, or friends. Involving them can help reduce feelings of overwhelm and contribute to your overall success. Going through life without any structure often leads to chaos. If you neglect to organize your time, it can impact not just you but your entire family, creating a sense of disorder that can become overwhelming.

Protect Your Energy

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to protect your energy, and that starts with knowing when to say no. No is my favorite word, and it’s not a bad word to use. It’s an important boundary to set not only for yourself but also for those around you. 

Think of it this way: imagine you have a credit card that is loaded with $100 every day. If you spend 25% of that right away, and your children use another 20% trying to get everything organized for the day, then you’re left with $50—and this is before you even get them off to school! When you overwhelm yourself with other people’s priorities or take on tasks that drain your energy, you will struggle to regain your motivation.

Motivation and energy are like best friends; in fact, they are like twin sisters. If you lack motivation, you’re likely also low on energy, and if you have no energy, where will your motivation come from? They rely on each other. So, when you extend your energy elsewhere, you risk losing motivation in areas that matter most. 

Setting priorities and saying no is crucial for maintaining your well-being and preventing burnout.

People often underestimate how challenging it is to run a family as a mom. I consider myself fortunate that I don’t have to work outside the home. My main responsibilities involve keeping everyone organized and managing household chores. I can’t imagine juggling work, chores, doctor’s appointments, and everything else, all while dealing with someone who doesn’t respect my energy or understand the boundaries I need to set. 

Honestly, it feels like I’d be on the brink of bankruptcy when it comes to my energy—there’s just no way I could manage it all!

Celebrating All Wins

One thing I’ve learned about being a perfectionist is that I often overlook the small wins I’ve accomplished because I’m so focused on reaching the big goal. However, if you take a step back and reflect, you’ll realize that every accomplishment and each small step taken to reach your ultimate goal deserve celebration.

For example, in a family-oriented conversation, if we’re discussing small goals, consider the challenge of getting your child to clean their room. It might be difficult, but it’s important to celebrate even the smallest achievements. If your child picks up just one toy, acknowledge that progress. It’s a step in the right direction, and you should recognize and appreciate it.

Remember, every step forward is a movement towards your goal, no matter how big or small it is.

Keep Some Things for Yourself

One important thing to remember is to keep some aspects of your life private; not everything needs to be shared on the Internet. Many moms feel inadequate because of the seemingly perfect, “God-given” images of parenting they see online. However, I’ve noticed that those who keep their children off the Internet often seem to be thriving. You don’t need validation from others to know you’re doing a good job; your children and your family will show you that through their happiness and well-being without needing much external affirmation.

Additionally, make sure you take time for yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy. Set aside personal time, even if it’s just ten minutes a day, to meditate, read a book, or practice self-care. Remember, if a mom isn’t able to thrive, the rest of the household may struggle too.

Consistency Beats Perfection

Consistency is more valuable than perfection, and as a self-identified perfectionist, I can attest to this. This summer, I aimed to be consistent by going to the gym every day. While I achieved this most days, there were some when I didn’t go, and I found myself feeling guilty, believing I was failing. However, what I failed to realize is that establishing a healthy habit was itself an accomplishment. Two years ago, I didn’t go to the gym at all.

Having the right mindset is crucial. You have to genuinely want to improve and be open to learning and making adjustments along the way. It’s important to give yourself grace and understand that you won’t be perfect from the get-go. What matters is that you showed up and demonstrated a desire to be better than you were yesterday.

I know many moms who feel entitled to certain things, like a perfect home or well-behaved children, simply because of their titles. This belief that they deserve something without putting in the effort is problematic, and unfortunately, it can lead to raising children with the same sense of entitlement. 

Consistency, on the other hand, is a vital path toward achieving perfection. It serves as a stepping stone that allows you to make mistakes, learn from them, and ultimately grow and develop.