Understanding Morality

This is where I differ from many people: your morality reflects who you are and how you treat others. Your sense of right and wrong is fundamental, and I refuse to engage in arguments with someone whose perception of the world is vastly different from mine. If our values don’t align, we won’t be able to connect. I don’t want a friend who behaves in a mean-spirited way; I don’t want to be in a position where I have to explain that their actions aren’t reflective of their true intentions. When someone acts poorly, it’s often a reflection of their morals and how they view others. I firmly believe that you are the company you keep.

If I wanted a friend with questionable morals, I would remain friends with my junior high best friend. That behavior followed her through college as well, but I’ve moved on. There’s a reason the world feels so divided today: people’s morals often clash, yet they seem confused when their nieces or nephews no longer want to visit, or when their friend’s daughter refuses to communicate. Morality is a significant issue, and I’m glad more people are becoming aware of this. If someone shows you how they see the world and it doesn’t resonate with your values, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate that friendship. After all, you are the company you keep.

How They Show Up in My Life

I always show up for my people. You can ask anyone who has ever been my friend; I truly make an effort. I’m the number one fan, and I make sure you know it. If something is going on in your life, you can always call me. However, this is a double-edged sword because I expect the same in return. I have cut off many friends who have become inconsistent in my life. They take and take without giving anything back.

Now, if you are just an acquaintance, I don’t expect much from you. I don’t hold high expectations for someone on the street. But if you claim to be my friend, the standards I hold for those in my life are pretty high. I expect you to treat me with respect, just as I treat you.

I want all my friends to have the mindset that they are princesses who deserve respect. They deserve to be treated with love and affection. People often say that you earn that once you become friends, and clearly, you’ve earned it. So, if you decide to treat me poorly one day and then expect me to forget it the next day, remember that the river never forgets.

Show up for your people, because those who give a lot are often the most forgotten in difficult situations. I truly believe you can’t maintain a healthy relationship if you don’t nurture it where the flowers bloom.

A Backbone

I dislike a flimsy attitude. Let’s be honest, I appreciate it when someone has conviction and stands firm in their beliefs. A few weeks ago, I went out for coffee with a friend, and while we were chatting, she expressed her opinion on a topic. When I presented an opposing perspective, you would have thought she was a celebrity the way she quickly changed her mind, saying, “Yeah, yeah, I understand.”

I tend to dominate conversations, but to be my friend, you need to have a backbone. You can’t let someone make you second-guess what comes out of your mouth. When I form an opinion, I think it through carefully; otherwise, I prefer to stay silent. If someone tells me they believe chocolate cake is the best, I take that at face value. But when I say I think vanilla is better, and they immediately agree with me, I start to see them as flimsy and influenced, like a hot dog on a stick, just waiting for someone to pull them in any direction. We’re all adults here; it’s time to grow up.

There are effective ways to enhance your thought process. I’m not claiming to always be right, but when I’m in a conversation and I disagree with something, I’m going to speak up. If you don’t agree with what I’m saying, I welcome the challenge. You’re not meant to be a passive participant in anyone’s conversation or life. You have the right to express your opinion. Once you challenge ideas, you get the chance to see if this person is the right fit for your life. If not, then it’s time to let them go and move on.

Mindset and Goals

I have had to end friendships with several people because their mindsets and goals have changed, and that’s okay. In my opinion, what’s inspiring now may not be inspiring later. I once had a friend whom I thought embodied girl power, only to realize that she was actually quite self-centered. I had never seen her interact with males, so I assumed she shared my previous views. However, as soon as she could distance herself from me, she did so without hesitation.

When I reached out to let her know that we could no longer be friends, she dismissed my experiences. This made me realize how important goals and values are to me in friendships.

Everyone knows that my habits and goals are what drive me, helping me feel organized and connected in my life. It’s difficult to be around people who lack motivation, do not strive for self-improvement, or do not lead a healthy lifestyle. I understand that what works for me might not work for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. However, I believe that if you want a genuine friendship, it’s essential that your values and goals align with those of your friend.

Nobody is perfect, but we should all be striving to improve ourselves.

If a red flag keeps showing up over and over, it’s a personality trait

When a specific red flag consistently manifests in an individual’s behavior or interactions, it often signifies a deeper personality trait that merits further investigation. Such recurring patterns, whether displayed through critical remarks, defensiveness, or a tendency to manipulate conversation, can expose underlying psychological issues, core attitudes, or deep-seated insecurities that fundamentally shape an individual’s reactions and interpersonal relationships. Recognizing and analyzing these traits can foster a greater understanding of that person’s mental and emotional landscape, leading to more informed and thoughtful decisions regarding the dynamics at play. This awareness not only enhances personal insights but also enables one to navigate relationships more effectively, ensuring healthier communication and interaction strategies.

How We Handle Disagreements

I refuse to be gaslit by anyone, and I won’t put myself in a situation where I feel completely marginalized by a friend who cannot engage in a conversation like an adult. If I encounter backhanded apologies or sideways remarks when we disagree, it tells me a lot about the relationship, and we will quickly stop being friends.

Disagreements are a significant part of life, and they can occur not only with friends but with anyone. Many people tend to “unload the clip” during disagreements, but I don’t believe in doing that. I aim to resolve conflicts, not escalate them. If I unleash my frustration on you, it often means that our relationship has reached a breaking point. I’ve experienced situations where people have vented their anger at me and later wanted to apologize. That’s not acceptable. I don’t want that kind of interaction, so please move along.

Respecting someone during a disagreement is crucial. I refuse to disrespect someone simply because we have different ideologies. I believe that truth can coexist in different forms at the same time. Therefore, I won’t resort to harsh words or insults just because our opinions differ. If you disrespect me during an argument and expect the conversation to continue as if we’re both mature adults, then I’m afraid the line of communication will be severed.